What’s preventing men from seeking help for their mental health?

For generations, men were taught not to cry or express their emotions. Society has told them to tough it out and man-up! Men have been expected to repress and bury their emotions. It’s shamed and labeled men weak when they connect to their emotions. This has prevented them from seeking help in fear of judgment. Their fear of seeking treatment has led to jails and psyche units in hospitals to be predominantly male. American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has reported 70% of all suicides are men. These numbers are staggering and heartbreaking. The stigma and judgment are causing men to be more likely to die from alcoholism or drug abuse. They also tend to struggle with self-destructive behaviors that highly impact their relationships and overall life.

An unhealed man is a wounded little boy trying to survive an adult life. Men see vulnerability as a weakness, but in reality it’s a strength. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to face your feelings. Unfortunately, men are programed to wear a mask of strength and carry the weight of the world on their own. It’s an unrealistic expectation that will only lead to mental and physical health issues.

Men are fixers. They live to fix other people’s problems and find solutions to them. But they fail to fix their own internal issues. It’s important to normalize mental health support for men by addressing the stereotypes that prevent men from getting the help they desperately need. Having a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of or indicates a sign of weakness. It’s a medical issue that deserves treatment just as much as a physical illness.

There are some significant factors like, culture, socioeconomic status, financial status, and racial discrimination that affect seeking help. Society has normalized toxic male behaviors that make it difficult for men to identify if they are suffering from mental health issues. When men are going through a painful experience, it’s normal to drink away their sorrows. Meeting up with their buddies for a drink or two is not frowned upon. Sleeping around after a breakup to numb the pain can seem like an accomplishment, instead of an unhealthy way to deal with pain. Men tend to act out as a form of dealing with their emotions, while women tend to go inward in handling emotions. This is due to men being expected to always be strong and the person to lean on. They are trying to be the rock for their loved ones and feel they don’t deserve to get the help they need. There is also a fear of facing their emotions and not being strong enough to process them.

Another factor is men who enjoy having power over women. Men who struggle feeling empowered tend to seek power through dominating those they deem weaker, such as women and children. Some acquire management positions to have authority over their employees. Being able to dominate or control others gives them a sense of power that they can’t attain otherwise. This is due to unhealed traumas and wounds that have affected them emotionally and psychologically. Men who abuse women and children are deeply wounded. Not getting their needs met in their childhood, or being abused by their caretaker makes them into adults who seek control to feel safe. This in turn prevents them from having healthy connections and life experiences.

How can men be encouraged to seek help?

1) We must give them permission to be human and vulnerable. Men are not robots that lack feelings. They’re human beings with real deep feelings. Allowing them to express and feel their emotions without judgment is very healing for them.

2) Let’s normalize men needing help just as much as women. When women seek help it’s applauded; but when men seek help, it’s frowned upon. How can we expect our men to give us what we need, if we’re not allowing them to get what they need?

3) Getting help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to face your pain and heal your wounds. Revisiting childhood wounds can be very scary and intimidating. Having someone facilitate healing those wounds, can be liberating. Encouraging men to seek this level of support will free them of their depression, anxiety, stress, or any illnesses that hold them captive.

4) What makes a real man isn’t how physically strong he is; it’s handling his pain in healthy ways. When a man processes his pain with the help of a coach or therapist, he won’t project his issues onto his loved ones. He’ll learn healthy coping skills to deal with any triggers or emotional moments.

5) Seeking help will make him a better version of himself, which will improve his relationships and all areas of his life. A healed man is a healthy man. That will translate into his relationships through healthier behaviors. He’ll be able to show up in his work experiences more grounded, clear, and confident.

6) Most important, creating a safe space for them to express how they’re feeling. Holding space for them will allow them to feel their feelings. Being able to have someone that’s there for you with love, support, empathy and kindness is the greatest source of healing.

Let’s encourage our men to seek help and support them through their healing journey. Our men are valuable and needed in many ways. Our approach can be a game changer in encouraging them to get what they need. It’s time to let go of the stigma and make men feel heard.